Definitely NOT a fuck up :D
The past couple of weeks has served to illustrate very well to me that I am not the fuck-up my mother claims I am. Perhaps it’s a higher power’s way of keeping me from dropping into a deep depression over the shit she tried to cause, but whatever it is happens to be working very well!
Let’s see…
I’ve earned my BA and got confirmation of it.
I’ve been pushed quickly through the ranks at work and officially get my own store a month after beginning work for the company.
I have the greatest friends ever.
I am healthy and happy (mental issues aside, of course).
My son loves me and is a huge support in so many ways.
I don’t have everything, but then I don’t need everything. I’ve never been materialistic or the sort to keep up with the Joneses. I am everything my mother isn’t.
I am understanding and accepting of others, regardless of their differences. Yes, I sometimes get really pissed off when people use those differences to excuse their behaviour, especially when I know it’s nothing more than an excuse…but I digress.
I have never knowingly kept my son in a dangerous situation in order to avoid being alone.
I kicked a nasty cocaine habit - on my own. No rehab, just a really horrible detox at home in the basement suite of my parents’ house. They only thought I had a really nasty flu, although I did tell them later what the real story was. My mother accused me of lying and being an attention whore. And somehow I managed to get my ass into work during this - lots of pepto, sticking my head under the sprayer in the kitchen, and chilling out (literally!) in the walk-in freezer.
Oh, and not to mention that I completed a diploma program in automated business with a specialty in bookkeeping despite the fact that 1) that was during the time I got hooked on coke, and 2) I have dyscalculia (look it up and you’ll find out that it makes math a royal bitch and can make other things rather hard too…). And I finished in the top 3% of my program no less.
Yes, I’ve made mistakes, but they hardly make me a fuck-up. If I hadn’t learned from them and moved on that would be a different story. But obviously I’ve learned a hell of a lot…and much of it has come from watching my mother be utterly unhappy with her own life despite all her so-called success.
Frankly, I think she’s jealous of everything I’ve accomplished and is projecting her own fuck-ups onto me. I’m a big girl - I can handle it. Besides, that’s yet another thing that makes it clear that I’m NOT a fuck up.
